Share your Dark Humour Jokes here

Написано от 5th SS Wiking, 18.05.2016 at 14:43

Написано от Cold Case, 17.05.2016 at 19:42

I will narrate a creepy story.

One cold dark rainy night a person walks into a hotel.He goes to the receptionist and asks for a room.

He was given the room 412 but he was told not to look in the hotel room 411 because of an insident that happened to the owner of that room.

Later same night the man couldn't hold himself and looked through the keyhole....he's there for more than 5 minutes and nothing happened,only red was the only thing he could see.

Next day in the morning he asks what had happened and how the guy in hotel room 411 looked,the receptionist told him ''I don't know what happened I'm new but I do know he had red eyes!''

It's just weed in action, I fail to see how it's creepy.

Oh well it is better when you are out with your friends in a cold dark night :p

Why can't orphans play Baseball?


They don't know where Home is.

LMAO

What do you tell a Black Jew?


Get to the back of the Oven.

What separates humans from animals?

The Mediterranean

Написано от Viruslegion, 19.05.2016 at 12:15

What separates humans from animals?

The Mediterranean

But I'm in the fucking middle of the Mediterranean...... what am I supposed to be!?!?!?!

Написано от RaulPB, 19.05.2016 at 14:05

Написано от Viruslegion, 19.05.2016 at 12:15

What separates humans from animals?

The Mediterranean

But I'm in the fucking middle of the Mediterranean...... what am I supposed to be!?!?!?!

monkey

Написано от RaulPB, 19.05.2016 at 14:05

Написано от Viruslegion, 19.05.2016 at 12:15

What separates humans from animals?

The Mediterranean

But I'm in the fucking middle of the Mediterranean...... what am I supposed to be!?!?!?!

Huminal

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you." The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"

---

A white woman meets a handsome black man at a bar and decides to let him go home with her. At the door she reaches into his pants and whispers seductively "show me what they say about black men is true" So he stabs her and steals her purse.

---

What's the difference between "Thomas the Tank Engine" and Princess Diana? Thomas made it through the tunnel

---

A few of my favorites

Написано от Darth., 19.05.2016 at 15:18

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you." The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"

---

A white woman meets a handsome black man at a bar and decides to let him go home with her. At the door she reaches into his pants and whispers seductively "show me what they say about black men is true" So he stabs her and steals her purse.

---

What's the difference between "Thomas the Tank Engine" and Princess Diana? Thomas made it through the tunnel

---

A few of my favorites

The middle one... Pure gold, pure gold

Написано от RaulPB, 19.05.2016 at 14:05

Написано от Viruslegion, 19.05.2016 at 12:15

What separates humans from animals?

The Mediterranean

But I'm in the fucking middle of the Mediterranean...... what am I supposed to be!?!?!?!

In that case, you're a refugee lmao? (joke, love ya Rauly <3)

Написано от Al Fappino, 19.05.2016 at 15:32

In that case, you're a refugee lmao? (joke, love ya Rauly <3)

The refugees(Humimals, monkeys, whatever you want to call them) are on the southern shore.
The northern shore are perfectly fine people, they just have some weird ideas.

You see Homo Refugensis is perfectly adjusted to eat sand, so no sand no refugees(Unless there's welfare, which they seem to be able to sustain themselves of as well)

Написано от Oleg, 19.05.2016 at 14:09

monkey

That would explain why I like bananas so much pls give me!!

Написано от Darth., 19.05.2016 at 14:38

Huminal

Nice, I'm a new breed, a far better one.... welcome to the new Planet of the Apes, but irl!!

PS: you shall all be vanished. Your sincerely, the new breed

Написано от Al Fappino, 19.05.2016 at 15:32

In that case, you're a refugee lmao? (joke, love ya Rauly <3)

In that case I'm a luxury refugee in Mallorca... PARTY HAAAAAAAAAARD!!!!

Написано от RaulPB, 19.05.2016 at 15:51

Написано от Al Fappino, 19.05.2016 at 15:32

In that case, you're a refugee lmao? (joke, love ya Rauly <3)

In that case I'm a luxury refugee in Mallorca... PARTY HAAAAAAAAAARD!!!!

Oh, you're Mallorcan? noice

Написано от Al Fappino, 19.05.2016 at 15:54

Oh, you're Mallorcan? noice

Mallorcan, mallorquish, mallorcanish....? Idk, it's far easier to say I am from Mallorca, problem solved (anyway, my family is local from Galicia, 5-10 km away from the portuguese border so... hi neighbour!)

Написано от RaulPB, 19.05.2016 at 15:57

Написано от Al Fappino, 19.05.2016 at 15:54

Oh, you're Mallorcan? noice

Mallorcan, mallorquish, mallorcanish....? Idk, it's far easier to say I am from Mallorca, problem solved (anyway, my family is local from Galicia, 5-10 km away from the portuguese border so... hi neighbour!)

Plot twist: You're actually Portuguese :O

Написано от Al Fappino, 19.05.2016 at 16:09

Plot twist: You're actually Portuguese :O

Omg no, pls no, someone burn me down to ashes!!! NOOOOO

jk, nice food in portugal and cheaper than in Spain usually. But girls are a bit ugly there, that's a big drawback...

Написано от RaulPB, 19.05.2016 at 16:23

Написано от Al Fappino, 19.05.2016 at 16:09

Plot twist: You're actually Portuguese :O

Omg no, pls no, someone burn me down to ashes!!! NOOOOO

jk, nice food in portugal and cheaper than in Spain usually. But girls are a bit ugly there, that's a big drawback...

Only some are ugly! ;3

Написано от Al Fappino, 19.05.2016 at 16:58

Написано от RaulPB, 19.05.2016 at 16:23

Написано от Al Fappino, 19.05.2016 at 16:09

Plot twist: You're actually Portuguese :O

Omg no, pls no, someone burn me down to ashes!!! NOOOOO

jk, nice food in portugal and cheaper than in Spain usually. But girls are a bit ugly there, that's a big drawback...

Only some are ugly! ;3

Like you?

Написано от Zephyrusu, 19.05.2016 at 16:59

Написано от Al Fappino, 19.05.2016 at 16:58

Only some are ugly! ;3

Like you?

He's a girl???? Brain overload...

Написано от RaulPB, 19.05.2016 at 17:06

Написано от Zephyrusu, 19.05.2016 at 16:59

Написано от Al Fappino, 19.05.2016 at 16:58

Only some are ugly! ;3

Like you?

He's a girl???? Brain overload...

Nah I'm not ;3

Написано от Al Fappino, 19.05.2016 at 17:13

Nah I'm not ;3

I knew, just trolling a bit, to give some excitement

Написано от RaulPB, 19.05.2016 at 17:17

Написано от Al Fappino, 19.05.2016 at 17:13

Nah I'm not ;3

I knew, just trolling a bit, to give some excitement

Or maybe I am (:

Написано от Al Fappino, 19.05.2016 at 17:44

Or maybe I am (:

Написано от Tirpitz406, 19.05.2016 at 17:18

Banned for being a girl

If tirpitz says so, then you must be a girl.

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers".
She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"
To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."

Написано от RaulPB, 19.05.2016 at 18:05

Написано от Al Fappino, 19.05.2016 at 17:44

Or maybe I am (:

Написано от Tirpitz406, 19.05.2016 at 17:18

Banned for being a girl

If tirpitz says so, then you must be a girl.

XD

Frightened tears make the best lubes

and there's plenty more where that came from...